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FREE CHECKLIST FOR THRIVING IN MIDLIFE
F*&% your feelings…
Yeah, I said it. Fuck your feelings. And also your thoughts.
Here’s why, our feelings hold us back all the time. I’m being provocative here. Of course our feelings are important, but mostly, they get in the way. I’ll give you an example.
I want to feel healthy and strong. Therefore, I need to workout more. Know what? I don’t FEEL like it. I FEEL like napping, or watching tv, or reading a book. I ‘should’ workout but I don’t *feel* like it. Huge difference. I also want to grow my business and therefore I need to be brave about stepping out in new ways, like having an online presence, creating programs, doing online classes. But I don’t FEEL like it…it’s scary and new and overwhelming. I FEEL like staying comfortable and small.
So, what are we supposed to do when we *should* do something that is going to get us closer to our goals but we don’t FEEL like it?
We must ACT!! Do good, then Be good. Fake it ’til you make it. Changing your behavior is the fastest way to change everything else. One powerful way to do this is to listen to my new best friend, (she doesn’t know we’re best friends yet…but she will! And she will LOVE me!!) Mel Robbins. She’s a no nonsense, butt kicking badass. I LOVE her. And you will too.
Here’s her TED talk with over 14 million views.
She’s done a ton of research and turns out we can propel our way into action, 5 seconds at a time. Here’s the short version: we all have instincts about what we need to do to reach our goals, and between knowing what we should do and the doing of the thing, we have feelings come up, then we start thinking…and then we’re screwed. When we hesitate we find reasons, based on FEELINGS, not to do something that we know we should.
In my case, I know I should step up and do an online thing. Then I hesitate. Then I start feeling overwhelmed about the tech parts, I get nervous that I’ll mess it all up, then I start worrying that I’ll look like an idiot, no one will show up to my call or class or whatever and I’ll feel rejected and like a failure. And so I stay put. I don’t act. My lizard brain wants me to stay safe and alive. In my world that means ‘do not take risks’. So I don’t.
Mel (and a shit ton of research) tells us that we have a tiny window to do something different. To count backwards from 5 to 1 and then act is a ridiculously simple way to counter our scared lizard brains. Simple, but not easy. Change is never easy. Choosing uncomfortable isn’t in our nature. So, my buddy, Mel, discovered the 5 second trick. The tiny window of opportunity between ‘should’ and ‘feel’ is about 5 seconds. In that itty bitty bit of time counting backwards and taking action will propel you to DO the thing, even if you don’t feel like it.
Like most of life, this is simple, but not easy. If you want to change, you can. You, my friend, have more power than you even could imagine. But it’s not enough to want it. Me wanting to be in great shape real fucking hard isn’t going to make it happen. I have to get my ass up and out. Me wanting my business to grow isn’t going to make it grow. I have to take action…ALL.THE.TIME. Even if I don’t feel like it.
*note to self…reread this last paragraph daily
One way to take huge action to move your life in the direction you want, is to get support and help. Know who’s great at that? Me! 🙂 and a whole lotta other coaches out there who only want to see you succeed.
P.S. Mel Robbins has a whole book about this, it’s called the 5 Second rule. It’s great. She swears like a sailor, and if you like to listen to books on audible (I do…it’s becoming a bit of an obsession) you’ll love this one because she narrates it and she’s funny! https://melrobbins.com/books/
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