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A Hormone Induced Rant Comin’ Atcha…(warning…loads of swearing 🙂

by | Apr 3, 2018

Welcome. Welcome my friends…join me in the joy of menopause.

I need to get some shit off my chest.

First, I’m pissed off about this menopause thing.

I’ve experienced night sweats. They suck. I’ve experienced sleepless nights. That sucks. I’m starting to experience some pretty big mood swings. Those are awesome! I joke… They suck too. Parts of me are different-look wise, smell wise, feel wise. That sucks. It’s discombobulating to feel different in your same old skin. It’s like even my own body is against me.

So what are the upsides to menopause? There aren’t any, you might be inclined to answer.

I disagree.

I’m lucky in that my period has gotten wayyyy lighter and delightfully unreliable.

So that’s nice.

But here is the real gift of menopause: you are free! You are no longer under the spell of needing to reproduce. You don’t have to find a mate, think about a family, start your grown up life. You get to have yourself back!!! You get to tap back into who you were as a young girl, before everyone told you how, who, where and when to be. And you get to do it with a driver’s license, drinking coffee and wine, and having experience and wisdom. You get to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and then put on your jammies and tell everyone to fuck off while you watch Game of Thrones. And honestly, you give less of a shit what people think about you.

That’s pretty rad.

Second, I’m pretty pissed off that I make myself feel badly for feeling bad.

What is THAT about?

I’m thinking that there may be some dark days on this journey into and through menopause. Right now I’m deep into the peri part of the pause. And the emotional shit has just hit the fan. I felt really crappy for a couple of days. And I got MAD AT MYSELF.

Seriously?!?!? I was mad because I have nothing to feel crappy about. (Except of course for the following:)

  • The world is going to hell in a hand basket-I mean, we are in shitsville
  • There is going to be a devastating earthquake in my neck of the woods any minute…ok sometime in the next 500 years, but still
  • My kids are so old! They’re swearing in front of me, my daughter will be driving in like a year, high school…middle school…ACK
  • I’m a single mom, enough said
  • I’m trying to run a business…and start a revolution. That shit is exhausting.
  • Online dating sucks ass
  • I hardly sleep
  • My parents are getting older, and I’d very much like to stop time
  • And what was that last thing…oh yeah, how society pretty much tells women my age and older that we’re useless, unattractive and out of touch. So there’s that.

So, I guess I do have some shit to feel crappy about. And good. And excited. And angry. And scared. And grateful.

And yet, the message I give myself is “you only get to feel the happy part because nothing is really wrong, if you aren’t happy there’s something wrong with you.”

I am pledging right now to stop this immediately. I am writing a permission slip to myself to feel whatever I’m feeling and not have to know why. I’m writing you one too.

Third, did you see that picture of Sharon Stone? No? Well here ya go.——>——>——->——->——–>———>——->

The headline was “You won’t look like Sharon Stone at 59”.

No fucking shit, assholes. While I am thrilled, absolutely delighted that Sharon Stone can wear this ridiculous outfit and look good at 59, what in the hell is this doing to the rest of us?

I mean, I knew we had to compete with 25 and 30 year olds, but with this?!?!?! Good gravy. I’m not doing the competition thing anymore. I can’t. I do not have the bandwidth. I’m saving my energy for leaving this world a better place for my daughter…not telling her she has to look like a stripper at 19, 29 AND 59.


So, there’s my rant for this 3rd day of April.

So, to sum up:

Symptoms of menopause suck. But it’s awesome to get yourself back.

Allow yourself to feel human feelings. All of them.

I never was, nor ever will be Sharon Stone. I’m over it. Time to start a revolution.



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