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FREE CHECKLIST FOR THRIVING IN MIDLIFE

I’m a sweet little fucking cube of sugar!

by | May 12, 2018

Hi there.

I think anyone who knows me well would describe me as a pretty nice human. I’m kind, generous, and a decent listener. I mean, hell…I made it my career! As an expert listener, I tune in to my clients. I guide them to see themselves more clearly and to create the life of their dreams.

I hope my friends would say I am present, and vulnerable and available. I hold space for their tough emotions. I’m comfortable with their discomfort. It took me a while to get there. Being uncomfortable sucks. We avoid it at all costs. But we’re human, so eventually it catches up and we gotta feel all the feels. The good ones and the shitty ones. I’m pretty good at that, for my people and myself. I sometimes spend weekends sobbing and feeling into those yucky places. I really thought I was doing all the right things.

Well, shit.

Turns out, I wasn’t seeing MYSELF completely clearly.

I know I’m a good person. I’m sweet and funny and fun and sweet. Did I mention sweet? However, as I learned this past week, I’m a small, tightly condensed, hard, sharp cube of sugar. You’ll get sweet, goddammit, right upside your head if you’re not careful.

What I learned is that I am holding it all together. Tightly. I’m holding me together, my house, my kids, their well being, my business, my friendships…I have GOT THIS. I mean, people, I have GOT THIS SHIT DIALED IN. I am good. My house is clean. My kids are good. I am busy. I am empowered. I am independent. I am capable. I’ve GOT THIS.

Know what I don’t have? Melty sweetness. I’m terrified of the melt. Terrified of letting go for fear I’ll disappear or shit will get so out of control I won’t be able to get it back together. If I melt, even for a minute this whole goddamn thing is going to fall apart. Whew.

And what is it we all crave? Deep down? I mean, way way way down in the places we don’t really go? What do we want more than anything? What don’t we want to admit to craving? This–> Being held, melting into another, fully letting go and trusting.

I’m sweet alright. But I’m hard. And that’s been ok for the past several years. I’ve needed to be hard, and tight, and controlled because I had to prove to myself that I could do all of the the things on my own. And I have. And now, it’s time to loosen up a bit.

Some really wise being suggested to me that perhaps I could still be me, still be all that I am, but softer. Meltier.

When a sugar cube goes into hot tea it quickly transforms. It doesn’t disappear. In fact, it sweetens the whole cup. If that sugar cube stayed tightly compressed, the tea wouldn’t get sweetened much at all. But by allowing the melt, the sugar can infuse all of the tea.

How much sweetness and love and connection are we missing by staying so fucking concentrated and compacted? How much nicer would life be to be part of the liquid like a river, instead of being more like the rock?

So, this is now my focus.

Soften.

Melt.

Allow.

Flow into.

Make friends with the fear of the melt.

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FREE CHECKLIST TO THRIVING IN MIDLIFE

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