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It Takes a Village. Wait…where’s my f*^*$#g village?
Something has become very clear to me lately. I don’t have a whole lot of Rad Elder Women Mentors in my life. I spent the last couple of years, deep in my mid 40’s, being kinda terrified of getting old. I know, this is not unique. But I was getting weirdly obsessed with observing old people. Watching, listening, gauging their happiness, wondering why they’re bothering when it seems so hard, what joy they have, their lives are basically over,… Kinda dark, no?
Then, in January, I went to women’s networking group, and in one 90 minute span of time, my whole world broke open. I was sitting in a room with women-all entrepreneurs- ages spanning 30’s-80’s. And the elder women blew my fucking mind! Here were women in their third ⅓ and they were vital, and excited, turned on, and tuned in, and radical, and smart, and funny, and open, and vulnerable in a powerful and sharp way.
In an instant, I went from terror to thrill!
“This? This is what’s available to me???” I thought it was only aches and pains and loneliness and regret and missing what’s gone. But instead, here were women who are total badasses. They are the honey badgers of my life now…remember that honey badger video? (for your viewing pleasure https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg)
Basically the honey badger is one of the fiercest hunters, and the end message is if the honey badger wants something the honey badger will get it. “The honey badger doesn’t give a shit”.
I love this. I want a squad of badass, no shit giving, rad elder women in my village. I want them to be straight with me, direct, and continue to go out and get what they want .I want all that wisdom and love shined on me. I need them.
My mother passed away 14 years ago. And while I have a kick ass stepmom, she has been my emotional and spiritual mentor. She’s taught me softness and calmness and how to feel fortunate. And I am eternally grateful. I needed that when I was younger. And now I need to be in a village where I see older women kicking some ass.
I was walking with a friend and we realized we have to outsource our village. If we are able, we hire babysitters, therapists, trainers, coaches…for us and our children. Or we enlist our friends’ help. Because, seriously we cannot do this alone. And so many of us are alone. We’ve moved away from our families, and we have become so good at “doing it all” that we’re drowning. And even if we do have mamas and aunties around, they probably didn’t have the permission or the opportunity to become badasses. How could they? Their own mothers and aunts didn’t know how to show them this possibility. So, now, we have to make our own tribe.
Dear women on the path to remember your power and your voice, this is your rally cry…your permission slip, NO this is your order: go find some bad ass aunties. Go find your mentors who will inspire you. Create your village of elder wise women. Search for them in meetups, ask your friends who they can recommend, and if you can’t find them…make a group yourself! I know if someone wanted my mentor ship, I’d be honored. Go volunteer at retirement homes. I don’t know, but do it. Find your wise women role models. Have coffee with them. Do shots with them. Help them out and allow them to guide you. Be inspired, be surprised and be ready. I swear it’s what we’ve all been waiting for.
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