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Tough Question, tougher answer.

by | Mar 12, 2018

WHAT DO YOU WANT? cue the crickets…..

So, you’ve reached middle age. Hallelujah. Fantastic. Welcome, sister. Hike up your boobs, and join us.

What’s that? You say you’ve got the “blergs”? Yep, that’s normal. Read these posts to find out more about that…

7 Ways to Find What You’re Looking For

Middle Age. Blerg.

What’s that now? You know you’ve got the “blerg” and you know something’s missing but you don’t know what it is? Well, now. That’s common too, lady. Why? Hmmmmm, what’s on your to-do list? Lemme guess (bet you can check at least 4 of these…)​

  • Kids
  • Partner
  • House
  • Career
  • Pets
  • Friends
  • Aging parents
  • Family obligations
  • Ex spouse
  • Volunteering
  • Your out of control front yard

I’m sure I missed several hundred items. But you get the point.

And where, dear love, are you? Exactly. We usually come last. We eat standing up. Hell, sometimes we eat other people’s scraps in our own damn houses!

We make everyone else happy first. And I am NOT going to tell you to stop doing that. Because, I know that when my kids are happy, and my house is clean, and bellies are full, and pets are fed, and laundry folded, and grocery shopping done… then, and only then, can I relax. (for 6.7 minutes until someone spills something…but that’s another blog post).

It’s the way most of us are built. We are women. We multitask, and we care-take. And if you’re reading this shaking your head because that’s not you, well, to that I say WRITE A BOOK AND TELL THE REST OF US HOW YOU DID IT!!!

But, for most of you, you know what I mean, right?

And let me also break down why it’s so flippin’ hard to to figure out what we are searching for.

When you were a little girl, I bet you had someone in your life saying “you can be anything you want!” And they pretty much kinda believed it. Or they wanted you to believe it. And, at the same time, you probably also heard “don’t rock the boat, don’t be so dramatic, don’t call too much attention to yourself, don’t take things so personally, don’t be so sensitive, etc.” Right?

Ok. So which is it people? I can be whatever I want, BUT I can’t be ME? I can be an astronaut or a doctor, but I can’t cry and yell when I’m super upset and angry because it makes people uncomfortable or annoyed? I can be an engineer or a veterinarian but if I tell people what I think I’m a RUDE and OBNXIOUS? I can be a Supreme Court Justice, but I have to look pretty and share and make sure I fit into a size 8? Or I’ll make the boys uncomfortable if I’m smarter than they are?!?! For the love of Pete.

Good grief! No wonder we’re so lost in our own lives.

Listen, your parents did the best they could. They had to grow up in the 40’s & 50’s for goodness sake. However, it’s 2018. Time to write YOUR rules, lady.

So, first things first.


Don’t know? Welcome to the club. If we’re never asked, how would we know? And even if we are asked, how much time do we devote to finding the answer? Would ya like to find out, my sweet girl? Read on.

Some suggestions:

  • Once a week, dedicate 1 solid hour to asking and being curious about the question “what do I want?”
    • Then in that hour do what makes you happy BY YOURSELF and get curious about what might come up.
      • Go for a quiet walk somewhere and make yourself think about it. Then jot down some notes about where your thoughts went.
      • Journal about this every week. See what changes, what emerges.
      • If you meditate, set the intention of getting an answer to the question.
      • Grab a trusted friend. Ask each other the question and take notes while the other one talks. See what comes up.
      • Find a NEW friend. Sometimes new people are easier to share with. I don’t know why. Just go try it.
      • Commit to finding a group to explore this question with.
      • Find something new you’ve always wanted to do and actually DO IT. Sometimes shaking up the routine can be illuminating.
  • Most importantly, practice practice practice. We’ve spent decades plowing ahead with little time allowed for deep thought on this subject. This is difficult work if we’re not used to it. But if you’re ready to get stronger in the “using your voice and accessing your power” department, you have to do the work. Good news, it’s challenging but it’s also FUN! And it gets easier the more you do it.

The quickest way to find out, of course, is to dedicate time, money, and energy. Work with a therapist, or a coach or a consultant. They really can help you get where you want to be fast!

So, y’all ready to get to work? Find your 10 year old bad ass, dirty jeans, messy hair , wide smile, confident self and go do it!!


Need a Midlife Rescue?

I’ve dedicated myself to helping women just like you get clarity and direction so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of and one of the most powerful ways to accomplish this is with my Midlife Rescue Session, a free one-on-one chat to help you remember your power and reclaim your voice. To grab your spot right now, click here.

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