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What Does Not Owning Your Worth Look Like?
Last week I wrote a post about the topic I’ll be focusing on, which is owning your own value and worth. I chose this topic because did a poll and this was the overwhelming issue that the women in my circle struggle with. If you didn’t read that post, you can go here:
I am on a mission. I want all women to remember their power and reclaim their voices. How can we do that if we’re struggling with knowing how awesome we are? Or how valuable we are as humans? Or how vital we are to this world and the people in it?
Well, we can’t. Duh.
I’m interested in breaking this issue down. I want to understand it. I want to help my clients (and my friends, and daughter and by gum, myself!) to feel and own and KNOW, in every goddamn cell in our bodies how incredible we are. So, today I’m going to outline just some of the ways this issue may show up in our lives.
You avoid making decisions.
You say yes when you want to say no.
You say no when you want to say yes.
You doubt yourself.
You don’t accept compliments.
You don’t take credit for things you’ve accomplished.
You “over compromise”.
You stay in situations you’d rather not be in.
You break promises to yourself.
You worry what other people think of you.
You compare yourself to others.
You talk yourself out of things before you even start.
You are easily overwhelmed.
You take on too much because you’re a “pleaser”.
You think you probably could never…(fill in the blank)
You stay quiet when you’d like to scream.
You let other people talk you into/out of things.
OY VEY! Sheesh. Raise your hand if you see yourself in this list…yikes. Ok, let’s dig into these.
You avoid making decisions. You may feel stuck because you’re constantly weighing out your options. Now, options and opportunities are great, but allowing yourself to get stuck and avoid decisions is you not trusting that you absolutely do know what’s best for yourself.
You say no when you want to say yes, or say yes when you want to say no. When we don’t stand in our power and feel truly that we can trust our desires, we often take on too much or we think we shouldn’t or don’t get to do something we want to do. When we say yes to people when we don’t want to it’s because we don’t want to let them down. How ironic…we’re letting ourselves down. And sometimes we really want to do something, but we don’t have the confidence to say yes. We end up missing out on some really great experiences.
You doubt yourself. This is a big one. It’s really the subtitle to this whole situation. When you doubt that you want what you want, or can do what you want, or are capable at all, it’s really your fear and lack of self worth showing up.
You don’t accept compliments. I’m not talking just about looks here, although that’s huge, I’m talking about seeing in yourself what others see in you. When someone give you a compliment, or says something about you that’s lovely or amazing, or when someone reflects the beauty, intelligence, humor, compassion or love that you put into the world how do you react? Does it make you cringe? Do you wave it away? Do you deflect? If so, you’ve got some worthiness issues!
You don’t take credit for the things you’ve accomplished. Very closely related to the one above. When someone says “wow, you’re incredible…I don’t know how you do that! I could never do that!” they aren’t lying. They see something amazing about you. You probably don’t.
You over compromise. This is different than saying yes…this is when you compromise to avoid conflict. This happens a lot in relationships, all kinds of relationships.
You stay in situations you’d rather not be in. Not happy at work? Not happy in a relationship? Don’t like your living situation? Got a friend who’s an asshat? Do you make excuses for all of these things? Tolerate things that really kinda bug you? Got a nagging in your belly? We stay in all kinds of situations when we don’t have the confidence in ourselves.
You break promises to yourself. Think: I’ll workout 4 times a week…no you won’t. Why? Are we not important enough to ourselves?
You worry what other people think of you. Sigh. “I don’t want her to think I’m a bitch. I don’t want the PTA president to think I’m a bad mom. I don’t want my husband to think I’m a nag. If I quit my job with benefits to follow my dream, what will people think?” We use this as an excuse to stay small because we don’t think we deserve to play big.
You compare yourself to others. Double sigh. Yes, always. We are always comparing ourselves to younger, skinnier, taller, more successful, women. And it’s awful. We compare our worst moments with what we perceive as others’ best moments. It’s bullshit. You know it. I know it. But we are hardwired to comparisons, it’s the way our brains are made.
You talk yourself out of things before you even start. You not knowing how awesome you are means you probably pre-fail in your head. You live in the world of pre-disasters. Waste of time, no?
You are easily overwhelmed. Why? Because you don’t think you can handle all the things. Life if supposed to be overwhelming sometimes, but not ALL the time.
You take on too much because you’re a “pleaser”. Closely related to many listed above and which leads to the overwhelm.
You think you probably could never… This stops you before you even give yourself the permission to try. I would wager this kills more dreams than anything else. We are so afraid to fail so we never try.
You stay quiet when you’d like to scream. Goddess help me…if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to yell and scream and say fuck no, I’d be living next to George and Amal in Lake Como.
You let other people talk you into/out of things. When you don’t own your own value you don’t trust yourself, you’re a limp noodle who gets pushed around, and you might end up not living your own life.
Alrighty then. I’m sure there are many other big and little ways that not owning your value shows up. Overall, I think it’s safe to say none of it is of benefit to us. In my next post I’ll dive into a few things you can do to start changing your thought patterns around owning your value, worth, and ways to begin to start trusting yourself more.
Need a Midlife Rescue?
I’ve dedicated myself to helping women just like you get clarity and direction so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of and one of the most powerful ways to accomplish this is with my Midlife Rescue Session, a free one-on-one chat to help you remember your power and reclaim your voice. To grab your spot right now, click here.